On My Own PathMy ever narrowing path now comes to a branchoffThe walls at both sidesAnd the inability to go backLeft me short of breath, suffocatingAnd now all this ChoiceMy continuing road familiar --though I fear it ever --makes little effort to promise betterAnd my depth perception is weak.It remains stoney and plainAnd could be deeply deadly.A more oppertune path singsPromising glory, but still in honestyFear, threat, dangers, challenges and more.Whether I can survive the treaturous trails --My ChoiceWhich trail I'll take at each fork --My ChoiceThe glory and freedom I may have --My ChanceDo I have the courage?
TruthI've got to fight. Always. Survival is my only option; always has been. It's in my blood, in my veins, far back, deep in my mind, twisted in my double helixes. It's the one thing I have in common with everything else that lives and breathes. I feed and bleed and breed and seed until I am no more. I've done the same thing for an eternity and I'll keep doing it without stop. There is no stop; life's an infinity. There is no end to it all. So where is this pain leading me to, why do I grind my teeth and bear with this life without giving in? It's deeper than survival, because what is survival without a purpose? And when you think like that it's
LivingThey won't hurt me anymoreI'm still aliveBut not the life they want for meGods bless me -- I'm no martyr victimThey still are killing me thoughMy scars throbPainfully, and my remorse layIn the fact that I was too scaredTo do anything when they were freshBut my young pure heart knew nothingOf any other worldNow they've given me enough slackTo learn of better thingsAnd I want to snap my leashThe boundaries now suffocate meBecause I know I'm allowed to breatheMore than I've been restricted toThey're scared because my comfort zoneIs no longer the same as theirsI'm not scared of what they areBecause what the
ArtTired of fearingso I have to let go!And when I dothe energy is astounding.It consumes me.I must find releaseI do so in art.In art of wordthe beautiful sound thrillingIn drawingsto stare at for hoursand ponder the inspirationAnd musical artlistening ot each songagain and againand sapping it of allits energy.In expression --which is an art.Find a way to walkdown a halland radiate what's inside.Art defines itself.You know what it isDon't deny it the rightto exist.
Falling or FlyingI know you're scaredbut only because you love me.You're scared of what will become of meif you're not there to catch me.When I'm asking for it,when I walk into troubleyou panic.I'm learning not to have your fear.I know I'll land softly.You don't know that.All you see is me fallingDown down, I'll hit the groundYou see my blood splatter in your mind!But how do you know I'm falling?What makes you think that?Because, you see,I'm flying.
BlackBlack.This is beautiful to me.Black is unknownSPONTANEOUS!Why do you fear it?Why is dark bad?Just because you need to knowwhat will become?Why be bound by fear?Black soothes the fear.Learn to relaxwhen you don't have control.Leave it in Goddess' handsBut know you're in charge of your life.Just because you fear itdoesn't mean I have to too,because I love it.So much less responcibilitySo little stress.Don't worry about what you'll seewhen the light comes.Enjoy the freedom of Blackand know it hides only joy.
Fall InConformityDemandRespectExpectationsSociety expects usto fall in linelike men in formation.We're more like cowsbeing herded toward the slaughter house.So fight it, rebel!Don't fall in line!Why follow blind commands?!They convinced me I can't surviveif I'm differentso I was scared I'd die.My urge to be myselfforced me to be differentand thus the inevitable deathbreathed fumes down my neck.I knew I was hopeless.Then I realizedthe demands were what was killing meever so slowlybut definitely sapping away my life force.So I knew I must let goand stop obsessingover what they want.I don't have to
Psycho? SureWhy am I psycho?Why don't you blame yourself?Why me, always me?So easy to blame, huh?Because I'm youngBecause I'm proneto be wrongAren't you too?So why's it always me?Be in my shoes.See what I seeThrough these young eyes,what do you see?Him in love with green,You drunken on escape . . .You'd be driven insane too.But my sanety's not lost --I lose something more vital;Courage.These young eyes are blistered --caloused! --I'm too young to knowwhat to do.How can you expect me,too young to understand,to know to do anythingbut Runand RunFar.Too young to think of anything else,right?Not l
Watching, Waiting, HopingStuck on the outsideLooking to the insideWill you be alive?When the fight is throughWill it be you?Or your corpse, a shell,An empty soul?I don't know enoughYou won't let me inYou'll teach me a littleBut the test is to comeA long road ahead.WIll I be ready?Might I pass?Too early to tellStill learning
Letting GoWhy's it so hard?We're only just kidsI know -- only 16It feels like 40Such short lives So full of dramaAnd they wonder whyWe think we're wiserThey scream and fightThrow and biteA bite as bad as a barkA child who never got a chanceTo escapeI will not become them --Please don't let me.Let me let goShow me howAnd if one of us doesn't knowWe must goAnd find sweet releaseBut he's brutal, I findRough and readyQuick, not steadyScared to let goDon't want to loseThe innocence.I cry, he doesn't knowSo I find again youRunning back, running to your armsThis is all too muchI can't supressThe ha
SmileThat smile he gives me is too much!He loves to see me smile.Whenever I'm happy, he gives me this smile.His face is so gentle.His smile too sweet.His eyes are so bright.Soft.Quiet.
WWWWWWHWhy should I?Why shouldn't I?Why can't I?Why won't I?Who is he?Who does he see?Who is she?Who says it's me?What is this?What do I feel?What is he looking at?What do I do?Where are we now?Where were we before?where should we go?Where am I?When is it time?When do I say?When can I spare him?When will the hurt stop?How do I say it?How do I start?How can I still feel?How can I do this?Because. Him. Love. Here. Now. Do.
Blessing and PrayerFor my Lady and my LordI will do what I am toldFollow heart and soul and mindTake my blessings and be kindKnow They guide me, always trueTreat each day as ever newBlessed be my tainted handsFor I've lived in foolish landsKnow that all is not my faultLet my Dark deeds come to haltYou have lead me here thusfarDo what ye will, and leave no scar
I am -My Own-I am my ownI hear the loud silenceI see the empty roomI want this room to be fullBut I am my ownI pretend to want what I don'tI believe there's more than thatI touch the cluttered wallsI feel their lonely cry for moreI worry that that's all there isI cry for what may never beAnd I am my ownI understand there's always moreI say "I'll live my life alone."I dream of someone being thereI hope he finds me soonMeanwhile I am my own
I am -Confused and Frustrated-I am confused and frustratedI hear blacknessI see darknessI want lightI am confused and frustratedI pretend to be what I'm not or cannot ever beI believe in anything that's better than realityI touch the blackI feel for the light that is not thereI worry too much to even realize why I'm worrying about itI cry for what I don't understandI am confused and frustratedI understand as much as I canI say life sucks, but I'm probably exaggeratingI dream of whatever imagination canI hope for it all to one day come trueI am confused and frustrated. . . My hand found the light switch . . .
A Witch and a JewWe both have a common killerBut still remain so silentWe keep to ourselves ad gather much lessFor they unrightly blame usMy witch trials Were your HolocaustOur only crime our differenceSo many innocent lostThey may boast and we may fallTo the death they chooseThey appear as evilHowever, we still loseCan't you see the pyre they've builtReaching to the sky?You fall down and I'm accusedBut in the end we cryThe crowds watch onMy skin turns blackThey can always smell youFrom the dark smoke stacksYour God's up and mine are hereSo different in that wayWe'll find a common ground, I hopeAnd be together som
My GenerationThe young all gatherTo be there once moreTime to go for someYet wounds are left still sore (They don't know the remedies . . .)The latest of birthFreshly exposedIll social, ill mindedBut knows not the foes (He's too young for this . . .)Not Momma's boyHe wants her death dayAnd roots unknownBecause Dad won't say (Beautiful heart and mind though . . .
One ReasonThere's only one reasonYou wanted to stayBut something has happenedThat's made you strayI know you promisedBut now I cryFrom the moment you vowed itI knew it was a lieThe time that's passedHas brought me closeI'm devoted and in loveAnd want you mostWhat you fail to tellAnd seem to hideI think to runBut I'll stay by your sideThat one reasonYou wanted to stayMay not be so nearBut she'll never stray
Doomed from Beginning to EndIt's comingI can feel itIt's looming, doomingI can hear itIt's the endI see it on the horizonThere's a new beginningBut it won't be funThe end means painBut farther is lightIt's not time to end yetBut fate I cannot fightWhen it comesIt will comeI must be braveI cannot run
My GardenMy mind is a gardenOf trees, shrubs and weeds I do my pruning daily I do my weeding dailyBut still, I can't halt the growingFrom what my sky does feedAnd just a moment, I take a napAnd don't realize what I neglect Vines about my ankles grow My garden out of control doess growSo I wake up to learn soonThat untamed growth has no respectFrantically, I try to stop it --Or slow it down at least. But in my maintainence, I did slack In my nap, I did much slackHowever, little to my knowledgeFire would soon tame the beast.But the weeds do greatly fearWhen they knowst the pyre they've built
BumpKiss, kiss, sweet gentle innocence...But your eyes left me dizzied.I looked away for a momentMy face in your shoulderThen back up again,For your eyes were a drug,A drug that, once taken,Provided the urge to take againDespite its consquences.But your eyes now were fatalWith the intention of being so,So you drug in my veinsLeft me high with no controlAnd then I was your marionette.But my heart did race.I moved faster than you;Toward your lips I moved too fast.So our noses,Being longer than our puckers,Did instead give the kiss.Our lips left as virginsOnly to brush against each otherAs a dreadful tease
Keep on Counting . . .One sir! Two sir!Red fish blue fish sir!Three sir! Four sir!Green eggs and ham sir!Five sir! Six sir!There's a wocket in my pocket sir!Seven sir! Eight sir!And a fox in sox sir!Nine sir! Ten sir!The Lorax is gone sir!Yes sir? Yes sir?You do not like green eggs and ham sir?Yes sir? Yes sir?Drop and give you twenty more sir?!
Soldier, At EaseIn a moment's rest we part,An attempt to reward with a break from all.It punishes instead as the days so start.However, in the days to comeHe shall be torturedFor it is cold without his sun.Not warmth of hand or touch of kissThis cold makes him suffer, all aloneNot only a chill, but an empty, idle, abyss.So do for me a favor, please;Let him see me soon, so soonThen he will be blessed; soldier, at ease.
The Damn Game of LifeNo more of thatNo more of thisCan't stand the painI can't resistDon't want to lookTired of wond'ringIt's taking too longBut trust fate to bringWho stays and who goesIs not really my choiceThen how do I know?I follow . . . . that voice . . .
Sta.sh
