Tides of MourningI know what it means, but I'm hoping I don't."So what does this mean? It kind of looks like a plus? But it's really faded, I'm not sure."Liz doesn't even look at the stick. She just looks at me standing in the bathroom doorway, my face fighting between a grin and a grimace. "You're pregnant."I take a deep breath. My face is trying to say I want this, like I've been saying for months, but now that it's real, I'm not entirely sure anymore. "I... I'm just going to pretend this hasn't happened for a little while." I put the stick on the counter and scurry into the play room to pick sticky tack off the walls. The room is completely empty now
Greg's GroceriesTechnically, I don't steal anything. It's not like I'm out at two in the morning robbing unsuspecting shoppers in the Wal-Mart parking lot. I'm not even shoplifting. No, I just steal people's groceries.But no, it's not like that. I'm not actually stealing their groceries. I mean, they don't have any legal claim to them. The merch still belongs to the store. Just, when the shopper's not looking, maybe temporarily distracted by a newly constructed sale display or looking for the perfect cut of meat, I make off with their shopping cart.It's best to get them when they're making their way toward the checkout lanes. The cart doesn't necessarily
Taking Back the Living RoomAt first, I tried to participate. To be social. Because that's what you do when there's guests over, you socialize with them.Ever since we moved into this bachelor pad, my home has not been mine. One ex-roommate (the kind of ex that you say with an emphasis, like the relationship was enthusiastically crossed out) called our old apartment a "love nest" and she said so with such a disgust, like the feathers and fecal matter, straw and semen, made it impossible for her to live. She also told me, during mediation, that she could never feel at home because of this. We invited her to join us in the dinners we cooked. We shopped for groceries toge
Perfect Strangers Club"Step One: Try everything else before you come crying to us."The Perfect Strangers Club is a dating service for people who hate themselves. Of course, it doesn't promote itself like that. It's supposed to be a "transformational dating experience" and that sounds peachy at first, but everyone knows it as the dating service of last resort.The system is pretty extreme. It works like a twelve-step program. Except when you're done with it, you should be a completely different person, or at least have a soul mate. And it's not that the program actually believes in soul mates. It just assumes that if you change with someone enough, you'll inevit
FondueThe way I love youis like swimming in a bowlof chocolate fondue
Roiling ChaosMy passion for youThe bubbling of a hot tubHot, roiling chaos.
Haiku HoleI can't stop writingIn this haiku hole... 5, 7--GET OUT OF MY HEAD!
SmearedWriters like to smearstories like paint across thecanvas of our lives
Sabaton on Tour -- EXCLUSIVEThe crowd at Firestone Live was evenly divided between bright-eyed twenty-somethings and middle-aged, veteran metal heads. This was just what I expected from a show where the headlining band has been around since the '70s, and the biggest opening band could attribute much of its rising fame to YouTube fan videos.Orlando, Florida was the first stop for the Sabaton/ACCEPT U.S. tour. For the German band ACCEPT, this was just business as usual. But for Sabaton, April 9th, 2011 was a landmark, as it was their first stop in their first-ever U.S. tour."Everyone here is so polite," Joakim Brodén, lead vocalist, remarks. "In places we have to
The Honesty of a CorpseMy mom had tried to dissuade me from coming. "Oh honey, it smells and it's all just so grody... she's all maggots and the buzzards have gotten to her...""I'm sure I can handle it," I told her. "I just want to see her one last time. I'll be fine."It took me about a week after I had heard the news to find a ride home. It was the summer before my final semester of college, and I could barely afford groceries, let alone a bus ticket across the state. I didn't go home very often, so until my mom sent out the e-mail letting everyone know the beloved family pony had passed, I had only been returning for holidays. But when I did visit, I would al